Yep....we went in for our first prenatal appointment this week. I was seven weeks and two days along. Looks like a gummy bear, huh? I have to admit, I feel so much better now that I have seen that little heart pumping away!
So get this....and let me begin by saying that this is not a fabrication. I have to preface that because this really sounds like it couldn't possibly have happened. Well.....maybe not in your world......
As all of you pregnant women out there know, you have to start every prenatal appointment with a urine sample. My husband was there at the appointment with me, but he had to run to Best Buy to buy a memory card for my phone (so that we could video the heartbeat.....yes, we forgot our camera, and this was our next option--don't judge). Of course, they call me back fifteen minutes early, and my husband wasn't back yet.
So.........I had to take Ava back to the bathroom with me while I peed in a cup.
If at all possible, moms.....don't EVER do that......ever......not ever......
I sit down and get my urine sample without incident, and as I stand up to wash my hands, I place the "cup-o-pee" on the counter.
(You DO all know where this is going, don't you?)
I was turned around at the sink for all of two seconds before my toddler reached up and knocked over my urine sample. And we're not talking a simple splash out of the cup. Oh no, my friends....we are talking about smacking the bottom of the cup in such a way that it flipped up in the air like a Brian Boitano triple axel and splashed back toward my daughter's stunned face. Within moments, she was covered in her mother's liquid filth from head to knees.
Immediately, I panic. Not only do I not have a change of clothes to put on her, but I just squeezed out every drip of urine that I had. Ugh.
I spent the next five minutes cleaning up the floor while simultaneously thanking God that atleast Ava didn't have her mouth open. I washed Ava up as much as I could at the sink and luckily was able to squeeze out a bit more in a new cup before my appointment. It was the one time that I was actually thankful that I had to urinate every fourteen seconds.
It was in the exam room that Eric showed up, and I immediately handed Ava off to him. It took about four seconds before his nose crinkled up. "She smells like piss."
"Don't worry....it's my pee." Somehow, that came out like it made it better.
He looked at me like I had just flung my own poo.
"Gee....thanks for telling me that she was covered in urine AFTER you handed her to me," he said as he tried to wave his newly soaked shirt dry.
Whoops.
Oh well, the way I see it is that I was about to have my uterus groped by a complete stranger. The rest of my family can smell like pee for a minute. I still win.
