You have GOT to be kidding me....

Okay folks.....Here was my week up until today....just so that you can get a mindframe of the week we are having BEFORE today's incident (to be explained....be patient):

1. Ava gets sick while we are out camping. One snotty toddler.....check.

2. Eric comes home sick from work and is sick in bed for the next two days. One sick husband...check check....

3. I get cocky about how great my prenatal vitamins are. I brag about how wonderful they are to make me escape any sort of sickness--just in time to end up getting TKO'ed with a sore throat and way too much pain in my left ear. One wife and mother shoving her foot in her mouth and eating crow.....check check....oh shut up.....

4. Two days ago, our main kitchen sick decided that it wasn't going to drain anymore. Awesome.

5. Yesterday, our coffee maker decided that it was going to stop working completely. If you know my husband or me AT ALL, you would be gasping aloud right now because you know that not having coffee in the morning is like taking a crack pipe away from a meth addict. Headaches ensue.....there is shaking and twitching.....not pretty.....

Okay....that was our week leading up to this morning. Got it?

Eric was back at work today, so I got up, got Ava up, fed her breakfast, all the normal stuff. It's 8:30 in the morning when Ava finished eating, so I walked over to her booster chair to pull her out. As I pull off the attachable tray, it decides to come off so fast that my arms shoot backwards. My right elbow smacks my glass of water behind me on the kitchen island and causes it to fall crashing to the tile floor below in a million shards of glass.

As any mother would, I immediately grab my daughter's legs and feet (Luckily, she was still in her booster seat because I hadn't undone her belt yet) and start searching for any cuts or bleeding. None......good......

Suddenly, I think, Hmmmm, something feels weird.

Sure enough, I glance down at my right foot to see a big piece of the glass sticking out from the back of my foot. Like where my Achilles tendon is....yeah, there.....

I try to figure out a way to crumple down to the ground without falling into yet more glass, and I pull the glass out of my foot. That was Kristi's first bad idea of the day.

Immediately, my foot starts having blood running out of it at a pace that made me, the owner of said foot, a bit uncomfortable....

Well, it's not pumping out of my foot, so I must not have hit the artery. That's good, I thought. Gotta stay positive, right?

It was about that time when I starting trying to figure out exactly how, when I couldn't place my gushing foot down on the floor, I was going to get my daughter out of her chair, get both of us out of our pajamas and into clothes, get both of us into and car and to a doctor without problems.

I wasn't. Period.

So, what do I do? That's right, I'll call Lorraine, my super-sonic-helper-extraordinaire neighbor (See my past blog entry from when Ava threw nail polish on my kitchen floor--she's the same woman who saved us then) who proceeded to grab her son and run over to my house. This woman should have a cape and some sort of super hero theme song playing in the background at all times. She runs in, grabs me, helps me to the couch, wraps my foot up in a towel, runs over and sweeps up the glass, takes Ava out of her seat, changes her clothes and diaper, and is helping us into her van in less than 15 minutes. Get this woman a trophy, seriously.

While I was waiting on her to change Ava, I called my doctor only to find out that they couldn't get me in until 11:15.

"Would you like me to put you down for that time?" The nurse asked.

It's 8:30 in the morning....I won't have any blood left in my body by then....

"Uh....yeah. That would be great."

Lorraine says, "I'm going to take you to my friend, Christine's house. She is a nurse."

Of course she is. All superheroes have that cool sidekick who can heal. I should have known.

When we get there, Christine cleans up my foot and sticks some sterile tape on it to keep it closed until my doctor's appointment.

After leaving Christine's, Lorraine takes me back to her house to enjoy a cup of coffee (remember, my coffee maker is broken) before the appointment. It's official....this woman is a saint--a van driving, diaper changing, glass sweeping, coffee wielding gift from above.

Finally, 11:15 arrives, and I make it to the doctor's office. In order for him to figure out what to do, he had to open the wound back up with his fingers to see how deep it was. Uh huh.....that hurt BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. Just to let you know.

"We don't do stitches here, so I'm going to have to try to glue this closed, okay?"

"Okay." I responded. This was Kristi's second bad idea of the day.

Have you ever imagined what it feels like to have a gaping wound pried open and super glue poured into it? Well, it feels like.......Hmmmmmm......Oh yeah, HAVING A GAPING WOUND PRIED OPEN AND POURING SUPER GLUE INTO IT.

He then put the sterile strips over wound and said, "Now, try to stay off of it for atleast 48 hours to help your chances of not tearing the wound back open. If you do, your only choice is to go to urgent care and get stitches.

This is where I giggle like a school girl and gently remind the dear doctor that I have a two year old. Stay off my feet for 48 hours.....yeah.....I'll get right on that.

Anyway, I'm home now, and I'm trying to keep my foot up as much as possible. I have a sore throat, an ear ache, and a glued-shut wound on my foot. I'm blowing my nose every five minutes, peeing every ten (remember, I'm still pregnant during this joyous occasion), and walking like I have a tree trunk for a leg. I'm a hot mess.

And for whatever reason....as if on cue.....Ava is crapping her pants almost every hour--way more than normal today. I think she is getting a kick out of watching me try to get up, pick her up, step over the child gate to her room and get her changed without stepping on my right foot. I nurse her for the whole first year of her life, and this is the thanks I get.

Well....that's my day. I thought I'd write about it since I sure as heck can't get up and do anything else. Grrrrrrrrrrr.........

(Okay....while I was here writing this blog, Lorraine the Super Neighbor walked over to my house just to make sure that I was okay. Get that woman a Klondike bar.....)

Uh oh....

Okay.....so here was my pregnant belly at 20 weeks during my first pregnancy with Ava.... Got that....20 WEEKS....

And here is my belly at 13 weeks with my current pregnancy. That's right....13 weeks....almost TWO FULL MONTHS earlier than the last picture from my last pregnancy....



Yeah....that can't be good.

I may or may not fit through doorways by the end of this pregnancy.

I have this eerie feeling that I may end up rivaling that bratty girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory who turned into a giant blueberry. In case you never watched that movie, let me help you out a bit:

Yeah.....that may be me....minus the blue.....

And if ONE MORE PERSON asks me if I'm "sure that there is only one in there"......