What I have learned this week....

I see my life as one big learning experience.  I believe that it is important to continue to learn and grow as life teaches us important lessons.  That being said, here is what this week alone has taught me:

1.  Leftover bowls of Halloween candy are a tool of the devil and his unwielding hatred for my waistline.

2.  Trying to teach a lesson in good manners to a two year old in the middle of a meltdown is an exercise in futility.  It would be similar to buying home owner's insurance just after your house burned to the ground.

3.  Skinny jeans don't make you skinnier.  They just make you wish you were.  Someone needs to put that on the tag or something.

4.  I have succeeded in getting both of my children down for a nap at the same time EVERY DAY this week.  I deserve a spa day...complete with chocolate covered cherries and being fanned with palm fronds.  It upsets me that this isn't happening.

5.  I'm jealous of my daughter because she gets to take a nice, warm, bubbly bath.  I don't get to take a nice, warm, bubby bath.

6.  I'm continuing to be amazed at the change of my son's poop now that he is eating solids.  I've done this before--I should be used to this.  I'm not.  I'm used to my son's old, friendlier, poop, and I want it back.  This poop frightens me.

7.  In addition to the above statement, I have been educated on why, with Ava, I spent the extra money on the Diaper Genie and the required Diaper Genie bags that twist and smell like baby powder.  I am using a different diaper pail with Parker--one that just uses your own existing kitchen bags and doesn't twist each diaper into a odor-eliminating, sausage link-looking roll (you know who you are). As economically pleasing as this is, I almost black out now from the stench in my son's room when I walk by it.  I'm afraid to close the door if he is in there napping for fear that the fumes may overwhelm his ability to breathe.  No amount of cost savings is worth the horror that my nose endures when I'm trying to put away his laundry.  I'm going back to you, dearest Diaper Genie, and I am so sorry that I ever doubted you (hangs head in shame).

8.  My son eats more food than any eight month old in the history of the world.  It's a good thing that I will be going back to work when he enters school.  I'll need that money for no other reason than to keep that child from eating my vertical blinds. 

9.  If I'm in the bathroom and changing my clothes near a mirror, I suck in my stomach to make myself look thinner....even if I am the only adult in the entire house.  Who am I trying to convince?  I'm so ridiculous.

10.  I now know that I should never feed my son his baby food while simultaneously eating my Honey Nut Cheerios.  Yes, I forgot what was on what spoon when and shoveled a giant spoonful of pureed pea and brown rice blend into my mouth.  There is nothing harder than realizing what you've done and having to swallow it in front of your child (to show how--gag, urp--"yummy" it is) when you are faced with the sudden urge to re-create that scene from The Exorcist.  Keeping that "Mmmmmm....this is delicious" smile on my face should warrant me an academy award.  I'm sorry that you have to eat that, Parker.  Mommy loves you.

Cutest. Kids. EVER.

Okay, so I don't have a post full of cute quips today...or anything super meaningful for that matter.  I just have to show a couple of pics of my kiddos from Halloween last week--just to further prove that I have the most adorable children in all the land.   I'm just saying......

And, of course....the best binky ever...

In answer to your question....No, these pictures have not been doctored.  They really are the most adorable children on the face of the planet.  I may be a SMIDGE biased since I'm their mother, but COME ON, people.....  Tell me you don't want to smush their faces.

Welcome to my world, people....

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

I know....I know....I haven't written in this blog for eight months.  I'm so sorry....I've been a bit busy with two kids under three and all.  A lot of people have asked me to get going again, and so here I am!  I have been wanting to start writing again--really, I have, but I just haven't had the time to sit down.  I had Parker, we moved into a new house, my daughter is at the height of her crazy tornado energy.....

Okay...enough of the excuses.   I promise that I won't leave you again.  Big hugs.

I also know that I will kick myself if I don't keep documenting these stages.  There are way too many crazy things that happen when you have an infant and a toddler at the same time.  Oh, the nuttiness that is my existence.
I have to say, I'm pretty excited about documenting this stage of life. It's funny. It's messy. It's BEAUTIFUL (Life....not me....I'm a hot mess). So, let's get started with some background information again just in case you are new to joining this blog.

Here is a picture of my husband and me from around the time we were married.


Look at that. Look how cute we were. For goodness sakes, it looks like the picture that comes with the frame. I miss being tan. I miss being toned. I miss having the skin on my stomach stretch tightly from one side of my frame to the other and my butt not looking like bread dough after you stick your fingers in it. But hey, I just had my second baby eight months ago. I'm working on it.

So....even though THIS is how I feel.....

THIS is how I look...

I digress.

My husband and I will be married five years this summer. I love him more now than I did then. I still love him even though he is always in much better shape than I am.....even though he can decide that he wants to lose five pounds and do so by walking to the mailbox.....even though he is ALWAYS tan and gets a shade darker every time he walks outside to get something out of the car. He thinks that it is fair because he is losing some hair now. I don't think so. For him to look the same as five years ago, he has to throw on a hat and call it a day. For me to look the same as five years ago, I would require some Botox, liposuction, lots of self tanner, way too many Pilates classes and some duct tape.

You know why I can smile when I say that, though? Because Eric still makes me feel beautiful. After two kids, that's a tough feat, and he somehow is still able to do it at times when I really need it. I know.....awwwwwww. You can't have him. He's mine. Especially when he rocks this look like on Halloween last week.

That's right.  Step in line, ladies.....

Seriously, though....almost five years ago, I left everything and everyone I knew and loved to move states away and start a new life with Eric. I can't imagine doing that with anyone else. He's my rock--my strong, supportive, and nuttier-than-squirrel-poop rock that I love with my whole heart.

How's that for a Hallmark moment?

Okay....on to my children.

This is Ava:

This little girl is 28 pounds of all things hilarious right now. I can pretty much guarantee that many of my blog posts for awhile will be about something ridiculous that she said or did. It's one of the reasons that I'm starting this blog. She is constantly saying things that make me think, Oh, wow....I HAVE to write that down. Just last month, she was laughing hysterically in Wal-mart and loudly proclaimed in the canned foods aisle that it was because she had "so many toots in her bah-wum (bottom)." Yesterday, I was walking down the stairs with my son in my arms, and Ava told me to "Be careful with Parker, mommy. Don't break him into pieces."

Awesome.

I look at her, and I wonder what I did that made me worthy enough for God to entrust this little fiery ball of sunshine to me. I will always be fiercely in love with her.  She made me a mother.

On to my new little man, Parker:
He is the most smush-tastic little being on the planet. He turns eight months old tomorrow, so I don't have any funny "Parker-isms" from him yet, but he is just as impressive. He can sit up. He can sound like a pterodactyl when he squeals. He can fill a diaper with a matter that will curl your nose hairs and hurt your feelings all at the same time. The boy is talented.

In five short years, I went from a single, high school English teacher in Kansas to a married stay-at-home mother of both a daughter and a son in Arizona. Wowzers..... I still shake my head at how much life can change in a blink of an eye.

We even have two dogs: Kona, a nine year old boxer who is definitely ADHD and has occasional bladder control issues, and Gidget, a fifteen year old pomeranian who is almost blind and deaf, only has two teeth left, and can't seem to find the dog door anymore. We love them both so much as well....even when Kona barks and wakes up the kids or when Gidget runs into a wall because--well, that's just what she does now.

I know that this post was a lengthy one, but I figured that I should get the introductions out. I want these blog entries to be our "slice of life" to the outside. Some will be funny; some probably will not. I can say, though, that all will be the honest life-journey moments that we are experiencing at the time we experience them.

Enjoy living with the Lawrences. It's sure to be a wild ride!

Here he is!

He's here!!!!!!!!!!

Parker Miles Lawrence

Born on March 10th, 2009 at 9:28 p.m.
7 pounds, 9.4 ounces
19 1/2 inches long

Kristi's Top Ten 3rd Trimester Fun Facts...

Okay, folks....yes, I know that I haven't posted since Christmas. Don't hate me. Blame the third trimester of pregnancy and my unborn son.

You know, I have done a "Top Ten" list for both the first and second trimesters. I think that it is only fair that I give the third trimester the same attention. Unfortunately, this is not going to be as bright and sun-shiney as the "Oh, look how much I love the second trimester" post.

Oh no, my friends.... The third trimester is a whole new ballgame. If I had nuggets, this trimester is kicking me hard in those nuggets.... That's right, the third trimester is kicking me square in the phantom girl nuggets....

I digress.... Let us begin.


Here are the TOP TEN "KRISTI'S 3RD TRIMESTER FUN FACTS" FOR YOU:

1. I miss my ankles. They were so cute...and petite....and you could see BONE in them. I've never had attractive feet, but they were cuter when they didn't look like five vienna sausages attached to an overfilled water bottle.

2. I miss pooping. I sure felt better when I could poop.

3. I'm starting to forget what it feels like to do things like cough, brush my teeth, or laugh without peeing my pants.

4. When I'm pregnant, my pee smells like Cheerios. Don't ask me.....

5. While we are on the topic of urine, let me discuss the wonderful urine sample that is given at the beginning of each and every prenatal appointment. As any woman who has ever has a child knows, you are required to go pee in a cup before your appointment begins. Okay...this is not a big deal during the first and second trimesters. But, my friends, let us imagine the urine procurement process of the final weeks of pregnancy. I can't see my own feet....let alone anything that rests just beneath my ridiculously large belly. Let me get this straight...you would like for me to take this comically small Dixie cup into this bathroom and somehow find the ability to blindly catch said urine into this cup. Uh......no. I have an idea. How about instead I come in weekly, urinate on my own hand, catch a couple of rogue drops into your stupid little paper shot glass, and hope that it is enough. That, nurse, I can do for you.

6. Here's a "Kristi Fun Fact" for you. I have a tilted cervix. This means, that in order for the doctor to check to see if I am dilated every week, he has to dig his hand in and curl it all the way back towards my spine to check me. Okay....that hurts. Now imagine that I am carrying this boy WAAAAAAAY up high compared to my daughter. Sooooooooo....the doc has to shove his arm in all of the way up to his elbow and THEN dig back. Okay.....that hurts even more. What cracks me up the most is when they say, "Okay, now you are going to feel a little bit of pressure here." You think? I already have a full sized baby in there smashing my organs up into my throat, and now you have all but crawled up in there to join him. Uh huh.....I feel the "pressure" that you are talking about, doc. It's called that big ol' tree trunk of a man arm you have there digging around in my already overpopulated womb. "Pressure".....puh-leeze....... Sometimes, I seriously wish that I could just break wind right there to force him to back on out of there and withdraw the arm of death....

7. I pop Zantac and Tums like they are Tic Tacs. For all of you out there who deal with heartburn all the time, I tip my hat to you. I don't know how you handle it. I have already slept one too many times sitting straight up against the headboard of our bed. It burns so bad that I have actually had dreams that I needed to get up and drink some water immediately because my fetus has somehow just caught on fire and I need to put him out. That is so not normal.

8. Okay...I have to be serious for a moment. I will honestly miss feeling the baby move and kick inside of me. It's kindof sad since this is probably our last. I'm sad to think that this could be the last time that I ever get to have that miraculous feeling that is solely between me and my unborn child. I LOVE it so much, and I'm not ready for that to end. Okay.....MAYBE when I have to dig a foot out of my ribcage or when he kicks my bladder and I piss myself for the fourth time that day....but other than that.....

9. He is head down now, so it's kindof funny that when he has hiccups, it feels like my butt has the hiccups. Imagine that sensation, will you? Feeling like your butt has the hiccups....

10. I'm still trying to figure out where this "nesting phase" is that everyone keeps talking about. According to most everyone, right before you deliver, you enter this "nesting phase" that makes you want to clean every square inch of your house, cook fifty bagillion meals, and scrub your tile grout with a toothbrush. Oh please. If I so much as walk to another room with an armful of laundry, I feel like I just ran the Boston marathon in cement shoes while holding my breath. No matter how much my mind WANTS to get all of these things done, my body angrily retorts, "Are you kidding me? You have attached the equivalent of a 40 pound exercise ball to your small frame, you're giving me hardly any sleep at night, the outside of this body aches like mad whenever you even try to stand up, the inside of this body feels like you set a torch to it, your kid is using my ribcage as a jungle gym and my bladder as a trampoline, and now I have anal hiccups. Step away from the vacuum, ma'am."

Merry Christmas!

Just thought I would give you all a bit of "Don'tcha just wanna squish those cheeks Christmas cheer!" Enjoy!


Merry Christmas, all!

Now that I'm in my 2nd trimester...

Since I previously made a list on what I missed during my first trimester, I figure that I should now update my status (a much more positive note!) and create a top ten list of what I am LOVING about being in the second trimester. Enjoy....


I LOVE....


1. Not being reminded daily of what my own vomit tastes like. It doesn't taste good.

2. Being at the stage where I look pregnant and not just "spongey", but I'm not at that point yet where people look at my swollen frame and think, "Oh, for the love of all that is holy, stick that woman with a pin or something."

3. Schwan's chocolate and peanut butter ice cream. You could fill the Grand Canyon with it, bury me at the bottom of that chocolatey abyss, and I would eat my way out in less than twelve minutes. Take that, David Copperfield.

4. Still having an petite ankle bone....and a visibly larger calf. They are still two separate entities....as God intended....

5. Feeling the baby moving and kicking around in there! That is SOOOOOOOOO my favorite part!!!! I'm at that point where I can feel the kicks, but I'm not at the stage where they make me piss myself.

6. Being able to eat an entire Bartolli's skillet pasta dinner--meant for two--all by myself and at WORLD RECORD pace....and not feel guilty about it at all. Yep....did it yesterday....AND followed it up with some Blue Bell vanilla ice cream. That's just sheer talent no matter what you say.

(Let me just explain right now...and I'm not even kidding....that I just took a break from my blog writing to eat ice cream--simply because I've said "Ice Cream" in my blog twice so far, and I can no longer deny the urge to indulge. I'm better now...)

5. Having energy to do.....well....anything.....

4. The crazy dreams that I have when I'm pregnant. They are so entertaining. I had a dream last night that I was hanging out with Anthony Hopkins, and we invented a cream that I could rub on my stomach that would allow you to temporarily see through your skin and into your womb to check on your baby. Anthony and I were sitting at the my neighborhood park, drinking an Orange Julius and waiting on our big appointment to become bazillionaires when I woke up. He was in the process of telling me that, because he was so rich already, and because I was his BFF, that I could have his half of the money, too. That was the point that Ava started coughing through the baby monitor, and I woke up. Boo.....I was so close to getting that pool in the back yard....

3. At what other stage in your life can you say, "Honey, I think I actually was able to snarf down an extra 500 calories today" and get the response, "Way to go, babe. Good job!"???

2. My boobs are glorious.

1. I can blame any unpleasant flatulence on my unborn child and totally get away with it. It's not my fault that the kid broke my farter. Got issues with it? Talk to the fetus.