Ava has been sick for something like 25 days. I believe that is the equivalent of 8 1/2 years in mommy time. Eric, Parker and I all started in on the fevers within the last 48 hours. Got it? Okay....this leads us to yesterday. I would have written about it yesterday, but I just stopped twitching about an hour ago.
Eric is working as much overtime as humanly possible right now because his work yanked all of the end of the year bonus money that they usually receive. We normally depend on that money for Christmas and Ava's birthday-- which is conveniently timed only ten days before Christmas. So, since he is forced to be at work more than usual, I am obviously the only one here with the kids most of the time right now.
Imagine yesterday with me.....
I wake up with my own lovely flu symptoms. Body aches, head ache, fever and chills. Ava wakes up....fever of 101.5. Parker wakes up....fever still normal. I do the best that I can to get Ava's breakfast and nurse Parker without breathing down into his face. The morning is fairly uneventful because I feel like poo, and so I happily let us all just sit on the couch in the family room and watch cartoon characters who have way more energy than any human could ever have.
Parker goes down for a nap at 11:00. At about this same time, my fever kicks in to high gear and starts making me feel like I'm sitting naked encased in a block of ice. I talk Ava into watching Dora on my bed so that I can sit in a bathtub full of scalding hot water. After my bath, I get my sick daughter out of my bed and bathe her (No....not in the same water. You are gross if you even thought that).
I feed Ava lunch and begin the hour long process of trying to get her to take a nap. FINALLY, at about 1:45, Ava konks out in her room.
YES! I think, I get to take a nap! I NEVER take naps...so this should tell you how icky I'm feeling.
I crawl my body-aching, feverish body into my bed and sigh gently as I cuddle under my comforter. Life is good at that moment.
Moment over.
Within thirty seconds, Parker wakes up from his nap and starts crying for me to come get him.
I'm thinking, Okay....it's okay. I'll just bring him into bed with me, and he can watch some TV for an hour while I try to rest enough to atleast get my body moving again.
So....I grab Parker out of his crib and carry him to my bed. After I snuggle in next to him and prepare for a very comfortable experience, I reached over and rubbed my son's head.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. He feels warm.
I grab the thermometer and put it to my son's temple while simultaneously praying that it was just because my fever was going strong and therefore, everything feels hot.
Nope. Fever over 100 (Enter the sound of my mind screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" here).
My pediatrician told me that if Parker showed ANY signs of getting sick, I needed to bring him in. With the Swine Flu everywhere out here, I needed to make sure that he was seen within 48 hours.
So.......I suck it up and accept that taking a moment to lie down myself was just not in the cards for me. I call the pediatrician, and they can get him in 45 minutes. Uhhhhhh.....it takes 25 minutes to drive there.
"Okay," I say. "If that is all you've got, we'll be there."
At this point is when I realize that Ava FINALLY fell asleep and has only been asleep for ten minutes. Great....I have to go wake her up and take two tired and sick kids to the pediatrician by myself. Lovely.
I wake Ava up, get her dressed, pack the kiddos up in the car, and head to the doctor.
The doctor's appointment was pretty uneventful. I was basically told that everyone has a virus, there's really nothing I can do but watch to make sure that they don't get worse.
After the appointment, I tell Ava that she can play in the little playground outside of the pediatrician's office. After about 45 minutes, I give her the five minute warning and start getting everything ready to head home. Apparently, my daughter was not as ready.
I tell her that it is time to go. She tells me that I am mistaken. She will "stay at the park." I actually walk away to the point where she can't see me (I can still see her), and still, she just continues to frolic like nothing has changed. Now, remember....I still feel awful. I'm achy beyond belief, and I just want to go home. But, since Ava is refusing to go anywhere, I literally have to carry both of them to the car. In one hand, a twenty pound infant in a ten pound car seat; in the other arm, I am now carrying a thirty pound toddler who has begun a spastic tantrum of epic proportions. And yes...I also have my diaper bag slung around my neck. Yep...I was THAT mom....
I finally get the kids in their car seats, and Ava asks me for a lollipop. Uh.......are you kidding me, kid?
At this point is when I gently remind her that she did not listen to her mommy when she was told that it was time to leave the park.
"So, because of that, honey, you don't get a lollipop."
I might as well have told her that Barney and Dora the Explorer were holding hands crossing the street and both were struck by an 18-wheeler.
She started screaming and freaking out in a fashion that actually made me thankful that she was strapped into a car seat. If she wasn't, I think she would have done that thing that we have all seen in the old Road Runner cartoons....where the coyote starts spinning around so fast that he starts drilling himself into a hole in the ground. Yeah, that. During this time, Parker is right next to her in a rear-facing car seat (so, yes, that means he is facing her). I can only imagine how much he was enjoying the scream-fest that was blasting directly into his face.
At this point, I call my sister, Mindy. She wanted to know how the appointment went. As I'm talking to her, Ava continues to channel the exorcist in the back seat. "I need a lollipop! I need a lollipop!"
I decide that, in order to stay calm, I need to go to my happy place in my head. I can't, though, because it IS TOO FREAKING LOUD IN THIS CAR.
I calmly remind my daughter, for the bajillionth time, the reasoning behind why she does not get a lollipop. She continues to flip out. I decide that this is a good time to use the only leverage I have at this point: the binky fairy.
That's right....the binky fairy. Ava still sleeps with a pacifier, and I am preparing to wean her from it. I have told her that the binky fairy comes to her house once she is a big girl, takes her binkies away because she doesn't need them anymore, and will leave her a present. Ava has informed my husband and me that this present is a pair of skates. Okay....fine....whatever works....
"Ava, if you keep crying, I am going to call the binky fairy and tell her not to bring you skates."
You think that worked? Hmmmmmm.....let's recap the day so far. That working would mean that something actually went RIGHT that day. So NO....it didn't work.
Ava starts screaming that she need a lollipop AND her skates. I'm still trying to talk to Mindy on the phone, and I think Ava has decided that I am talking to the binky fairy.
"I WANT SKATES! I NEED SKATES!"
"Then stop crying and calm down."
"Can I have a lollipop?"
"No, honey. You didn't listen to mommy, and so you don't get a lollipop."
"I need a lollipop! I want a lollipop! I want skates!" There is crying, screaming, excessive drainage of toddler snot....the whole shebang...
I believe, at this point, my sister said something like, "Omigod, I'm so sorry." I'm really not sure. I could barely hear her.
I had no point but to just ignore my borderline pschotic toddler and continue on with the conversation. I just kept thinking, Mindy, just keep talking to me. It's easier for me to ignore the torture that is the inside of this car right now if you just keep talking and give me something else to focus on....
"I want a lollipop!"
"No, Ava. You don't get a lollipop because you didn't listen to your mommy."
"Please?!"
"No, Ava. Maybe next time you'll make the choice to listen to mommy, and then you might get a lollipop."
"But I said 'PLEASE'!"
"No, Ava."
"Can I have a carrot?" (Uh.....Can we say RANDOM?)
"I'll let you have a carrot when we get home."
"I don't want a carrot! I want a lollipop!" (This was about the time that I wanted to start beating my head against the steering wheel to render myself unconscious.....but I didn't because I was driving. Safety first, people.)
"Nope."
"Yes!"
"Nope."
(.....okay, you get the idea.)
Long story short, I get the kids home, and I take Ava up to her room and close the door. She continued to throw a fit for another 20 minutes.....making the total tantrum time almost 50 straight minutes.
This was Ava:
This was me:
(minus the red hair.....but add a fever, body aches and a ball cap)
At this point, I had absolutely nothing left. Did I make dinner last night? Nope. I've never called Dominos Pizza for a Hawaiian pizza so quickly in my entire life.
Let me take a moment to speak to my brother-in-law, Brandon (Mindy's husband). Brandon, If there is any part of you that wanted to skip waiting that year to start trying for kids and instead begin now, I apologize to you for ruining your plans. Why? Because I'm pretty sure that the first thing that Mindy did after hanging up the phone was sprint to her medicine cabinet to make sure that she didn't forget to take her birth control pill.
Sorry about that.
So that was my day. How was yours?
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